it all started with a look back, a visual perception of impact

impact so unprecedented, so dented and bent like someone banged a punch into metal

the initiation was felt first by the heart which took a wild leap within the ribcage. it quickly rushes behind the ribs to find asylum- needs to hide, become camouflaged, disguised

letting the mushy goo-es of electricity take charge up in the skull, goo reacts with an impulse to blink again; maybe it wont be there

the shiny smoothness and composure, the sheen of elegance could not have been…destroyed?! shaken?

endure a seemly eternal spin on the thought carousel

…can not take a leap of faith off: the carousel will never stop going around and around…! falling, down. wrenched to the ground, thrown, rolled…can all that be worth it?

interlude: silence and nothingness.

in a blank state of consciousness contemplating existence and Him and a defiant egotistic proud relationship, a narrow-minded, self-absorbed seeking His solace, His hug and forgiveness

and the floodgates at the entry of the skull erupt, squirting out some sort of liquid

the gates; in conversation themselves, confused periodically by an oscillating repressed brain that aims to stop them from their natural…

the crystal clear stimuli of music sneakily poking out a peaking of feelings and emotions, shoving them to embrace their cores at the peak, their true being.

the carousel ceases to matter, the ever static circuit in the skull halts

escape….sleep….believe, the right reasons for faith?

wavering breath comes into vibrational friction with air, words are uttered with fear to unveil

guilt pinches the back of the neck, again and again

right behind the earlobes leaving a gnawing ache that runs all the way back down the spine

causing a nauseous taste of unsettled. a tongue goes numb.

a ball of colorless vacuum in the esophagus. something pricks the dizzy salivary glands

clenched jaws, no desire to swallow a lump. reject the contents of the vacuum-will not swallow! will not go inside!

break!—-too many hours

exhale

exhale…

exhale….

might need to swallow and digest it out, to allow it be gone forever.